sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
