if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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