I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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