I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
