The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
