Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.