the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.