why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.