I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.