Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.