The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
