I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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