Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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