Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
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You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize