So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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