Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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