were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize