I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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