I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
