1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
