oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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