Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.