She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
