I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬