i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day