It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator