It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."