literally had 100 drinks last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"