she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
