Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
