Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This is my gift to your gina
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
