have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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