No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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