he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
