my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
