Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
