Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
