Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
