she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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