I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
