he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
