There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
