What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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