You're a womanizer and a bitch.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
