you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
