I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
