I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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