Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
