I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have tasted many bathrooms
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
