I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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