End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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