i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
