good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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