he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
not ubering you a puppy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
