I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
