apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
