Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dicks are not precious.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
