My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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