So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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