If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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