I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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