I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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