I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
