I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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