NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
