he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
