I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
