Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
