I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
