Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
